12-2007

12/1/2007 4:29:00 PM - "WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?" THOUGHTS ON THE NEW SOUTHERN STRATEGY
12/2/2007 9:37:00 AM - WHEREUPON skippy FALLS IN LOVE AGAIN: SOUTH ASIAN EDITION
12/3/2007 8:48:00 PM - THE MALE CHARITABLE IMPULSE & THE GREATEST WEBSITE EVER
12/5/2007 7:09:00 AM - "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? I WANT YOU TO TAKE MANY PIECES OF ME": STEPHANE DION IS DETERMINED TO LOSE
12/5/2007 8:45:00 PM - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
12/6/2007 8:28:00 PM - BERNIE WARD'S "ERROR OF JUDGMENT" AND HOW NO GOOD CAN COME OF WRITING
12/7/2007 7:41:00 AM - PIMP MY FAITH: MITT ROMNEY GETS HIS GOD ON!
12/8/2007 7:52:00 AM - ALL POLITICS IS LOCAL: A LOOK INTO THE LABRATORY OF GREED, STUPIDITY AND MARTIAL LAW
12/8/2007 9:21:00 PM - ONCE YOUR SPOUSE GOES BLACK .... YOU GET TO BE PRESIDENT!
12/9/2007 9:47:00 PM - MAYBE THE ONLY REASON A SANE PERSON COULD SUPPORT HILLARY CLINTON'S CAMPAIGN
12/10/2007 9:09:00 PM - SHOULD THIS MAN GO TO PRISON? JOHN KIRIAKOU & THE MEANING OF TORTURE
12/12/2007 8:00:00 PM - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD: THE LONELY DEATH OF AQSA PARVEZ
12/13/2007 8:13:00 PM - WHO IS ABU ZUBAYHAH?
12/14/2007 7:57:00 PM - "HEY JOE, WHERE YOU GOIN' WITH THAT GUN IN YOUR HAND?"
12/15/2007 8:53:00 AM - THE KOREAN QUANDRY: HOW AHN YOO-JIN ROCKED THE PENINSULA
12/16/2007 7:45:00 PM - PRIYA RAI CURES HOMOSEXUALITY!
12/17/2007 8:50:00 PM - THE MOST IMPORTANT SONG YOU'LL EVER HEAR
12/18/2007 7:24:00 AM - "HO, HO, HO"
12/21/2007 8:03:00 PM - skippy VOTES A LOT
12/22/2007 11:55:00 AM - THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HENRY
12/23/2007 11:11:00 AM - LINDSAY LOHAN HAS THE RIGHT IDEA, BREATHTAKING JUGS
12/24/2007 7:40:00 PM - ... AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT
12/25/2007 8:45:00 AM - TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOY, COMFORT AND JOY!
12/25/2007 11:01:00 PM - WILL SMITH IS OUTRAGED, STUPID
12/27/2007 8:09:00 PM - THE FAMILY GUY
12/29/2007 7:57:00 AM - GET BEHIND ME SATAN!

all apologies

I know I've neglected my unofficial archivist duties while life repeatedly fucked me in the ass. But things have improved somewhat and I'm able to walk without any too-obvious signs of the past couple month's sodomy storm.

I was sorting through the emails from all the legions of other skippy fans who have come to depend on this site as their new home away from home when skippy's output lags or when they need to find an old post.

As you all probably know, the past two months have been good ones for Enjoy Every Sandwich fans.

As some of you probably know, I was completely wrong about how the google spiders work. I thought that me having a link to every old enjoyeverysandwich post up to November of this month would cause all those posts to be indexed on google. It looks like google spiders don't index pages that aren't linked to the main page on the site. That makes sense. Their database must be insanely huge and they have to keep its growth under control.

So the thing I'm going to do sometime soon, is rework the script I wrote so that it scrunches all the links to skippy's old posts into one page and hopefully he will copy that one page into a post of his own and link it on his sidebar. He will be able to backdate that post so that it doesn't interfere with any of his current shit. That, I believe, will cause the google spiders to get all of his shit indexed properly. Then people googling will be able to happen across all that old shit, not just the shit with a special sidebar link.

I'm still reading through January 2004, and I came across this classic. Some background. Grouphug.us was a site where pathetic losers could reassure each other that they weren't too pathetic. Skippy liked to mock them and did so with his usual skippiness. I would check to see if they're still in business, but I'm too drunk.

Happy holidays tards.

Oh, Here's another group hug post I think I'm going to have to make a list of these.

11-2007

11/2/2007 8:54:00 PM - skippy ROCKS THE CASBAH, SHOUTS AT THE DEVIL, BARKS AT THE MOON, IS ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL, IS ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY, CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW, AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE, IS IRON MAN, JUST LIKE A WOMAN, WALKS THIS WAY, BRINGS THE NOISE, IS BREATHLESS, HARD TO HANDLE, WANTS TO BE YOUR TEDDY BEAR, TANGLED UP IN BLUE, STILL HASN'T FOUND WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR, IS THE WALRUS, WATCHING THE DETECTIVES, SHOUTS IT OUT LOUD, DON'T WANNA BE YOUR MONKEY WRENCH, WAITING FOR HIS MAN, FIGHTS FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PAAAARRRRRTTTY AND IS A LOSER BABY, SO WHY DON'T YOU KILL HIM?
11/3/2007 10:03:00 AM - CANADA: WHERE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT .... UNTIL YOU DON'T
11/4/2007 10:52:00 AM - TYRA TALKS TWAT
11/6/2007 6:49:00 AM - THE BALLAD OF RUDY & BERNIE
11/7/2007 8:56:00 PM - THE DOUCHEBAG APOLOGY TOUR: DOG EDITION
11/8/2007 9:05:00 PM - VANITY'S END: WHEN HOT GIRLS FIND JESUS & THE HEROIN DIARIES
11/10/2007 7:16:00 AM - RUDY'S OTHER STRANGE RELATIONSHIP: WHY BEING ENDORSED BY PAT ROBERTSON ISN'T A PARTICULARLY GOOD IDEA
11/11/2007 10:03:00 AM - IF THE LEG FITS: HEATHER MILLS IS HAVING A FUNNY DIVORCE
11/14/2007 8:18:00 AM - THE BRIMSTONE PREACHING OF DICK ARMEY
11/15/2007 8:35:00 PM - OH, THE HARD-NIPPLED HUMANITY: LINDSAY LOHAN FACES JUSTICE
11/18/2007 10:08:00 PM - KYLA EBBERT IS POPULAR
11/19/2007 8:31:00 PM - "TAKE YOUR PROTECTION AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" JOHN McCAIN IS A BADASS, SAYS UNWISE THINGS
11/20/2007 8:42:00 PM - THE
11/21/2007 7:48:00 AM - WHEN HILLARY ATTACKS
11/22/2007 8:05:00 AM - HEATHER MILLS IS CONFUSED, HAS INTERESTING PRIORITIES
11/22/2007 8:18:00 PM - GIVING THANKS FOR THE AMY FISHER FUCK TAPE AND WHAT IT CAN TEACH LADIES ABOUT THE MAKING OF LOVE
11/23/2007 8:27:00 PM - Devil Inside
11/24/2007 9:42:00 AM - HEIDI KLUM IS DAMN NEAR PERFECT
11/24/2007 8:55:00 PM - DO THE RIGHT THING
11/26/2007 8:51:00 PM - OKAY, I FIXED AMERICA. NEXT?
11/27/2007 8:04:00 AM - M. CHRETIEN'S INTERESTING
11/28/2007 8:04:00 AM - SAD DISPATCES FROM THE END TIMES: K-FED'S YOUR DADDY!
11/29/2007 8:10:00 AM - STILL CLINTON AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
11/29/2007 9:15:00 PM - THEY COME FROM THE LAND OF THE ICE AND SNOW AND THEY WON'T GO BACK: THE RETURN OF PAGEY, PERCY & WHATSHISNAME!
11/30/2007 8:56:00 PM - THE RETURN OF ANNIKA!

The latest

Since I put up a sitemeter, I discovered that this site has 3 readers, me, someone in Toronto who is almost certainly our dark master himself, and someone in Germany. Who are you someone in Germany? Anyway, when I started this, I had this "if you build it they will come" kind of vision, where all the other skippystalin fans across the continents came out of the woodwork and sent in their lists of favorite old classics, and we all bonded together over that. This hasn't happened.

On the other hand, non-imaginary people are a pain in the ass and I really don't know what to do with them when they come around anyway. And I discovered how to browse the entire archive, so I really don't need real human contact now anyway. So I'm not going to be keeping up the current month archive unless someone specifically asks me to. What I will be doing is keeping my lists of favorite posts by categories. I'm generally pretty fucked-up when I do this, and that seems to be the best approach.

So there will be more updates, but this site will no longer serve as an archive for the current month, only for the more than 2 months in the past.

I've been reading Skippy's archive from the beginning and I'm now in December of 03 and I've found some new Stones posts. And, amazingly, the links in some of them still work and point to interviews with the Human Riff. So check out The Stones page and see the new linky goodness.

Broken Dreams

Thursday, December 04, 2003 JUST WHEN THE ECONOMY WAS GETTING GOOD, TOO....
Friday, December 05, 2003 THE JESUS COCK
Saturday, December 20, 2003 TOILET ETIQUETTE AND THE DAMNABLE SECURITY INDUSTRY

Skippy the dreamer

Thursday, December 04, 2003
POLITICS IS MY LIFE

Romance

Monday, November 17, 2003
DADDY LOVES HIS PORNBOTS

Friday, December 05, 2003
SEE? I TOLD YOU SO!!!

Thursday, March 18, 2004
In Praise of Courtney Love

Thursday, June 30, 2005 11:02 PM
YOU KNOW, IT'S GETTING SO YOU CAN'T EVEN START THREE OR FOUR BLOGS TO COMPLIMENT A WOMAN ON HER TITS ANYMORE!

Friday, July 15, 2005 3:18 PM
MOTHERS FOR DRUNK BIRTHING

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 11:14 AM
SHE COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER: THE TRAGEDY OF SCARLETT JOHANSSON

Friday, August 03, 2007 11:22 AM
IT'S ALL ABOUT DE

Saturday, August 18, 2007
LOVE: "WITH JELLY OR WITHOUT JELLY"

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
A LOVE LETTER TO AMY HOLMES

Music

This was originally just a collection of links to what you would see if you clicked on the "I Hate Music" label. It was a way to get to a particular music post quicker. Then Skippy helped me out with some more links, and then I found others on my own in his archive. So now this is the most complete collection of links Skippy's thoughts on music on all the internets.

Thursday, September 18, 2003 - YOU KNOW YOUR BAND SUCKS IF...
Saturday, December 06, 2003
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Friday, December 19, 2003
WHEN THE GOING GETS WEIRD...
March 23, 2004 - It's Better to Burn Out Than to Fade Away
April 05, 2004 - Give Me A Leonard Cohen Afterworld : Thoughts On Kurt Cobain, Ten Years Gone
April 10, 2005 Adventures In Loss Prevention: Retard Record Reviews, A Stripper's Credit And the Days of Big Fear In Toronto
March 07, 2005 - Who's Afraid Of W. Axl Rose?
April 16, 2005 - Johnnie Johnson: 1924 - 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - On L. Cohen, Swindled and Bankrupt: A Cautionary Tale
September 01, 2005 - A Prayer For Fats, Allen And Irma
September 10, 2005 - A Retarded Music Meme? Count Me In!
September 20, 2005 - On Burning Out And Not Fading Away
October 08, 2005 - "Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me"
October 14, 2005 - "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", "Feelin' Tragic Like I'm Marlon Brando" & Other Life-Affirming Observations
November 06, 2005 - "And If You Want To Sue Me I'll Be Out In The Sandbox / Just Wonderin' Where The Hell Our Love Has Gone"
February 06, 2006 - Your Love Made Leonard Cry
February 12, 2006 - Thoughts of the Modern Herod to Kanye West's Postmodern Jesus
February 28, 2006 - Nick Lachey Bounces Back
March 02, 2006 - Scott Stapp Must Die - money quote: "The focus of everyone's attention was also the focus of my contempt, vocalist Scott Stapp. One could argue that a talentless shill like Stapp should be beneath my contempt, but when hated and bile are all that one has left to live for, one embraces it like the memory lost lover. It is something that makes one whole."
March 06, 2006 - "Well Here's Another Clue For You All / The Walrus Was Paul"
June 09, 2006 - Why Elvis is Still the King
August 22, 2006 - "And I Know No One Can Sing The Blues Like Blind Willie McTell"
September 03, 2006 - G.G Allin and the Meaning of Life
October 16, 2006 - Dr. Reverend, Bob Rae, Jeannie Becker, Randy Newman and Me
November 11, 2006 - An Exciting Leap Forward For Women's Studies! Bring Me The Head of Dave Grohl!! A Bob Dylan Concert Review!!!
December 11, 2006 - Mariah Carey is as Mad as Hell and Isn't Going To Take It Anymore!
December 25, 2006 - The Godfather
January 12, 2007 - New Model #15: The Unquiet Love Life of Marilyn Manson, Esquire
February 21, 2007 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
February 24, 2007 - "Heros?"
March 08, 2007 - "How Many Gigs Must a Man Fuck With Before You Can Call Him a Pope?"
March 29, 2007 - The Greatest Thing You'll Ever See
April 03, 2007 - "With A Head Full of Snow:" Keith Richards and the Meaning of Father's Day
May 10, 2007 - The Devil, Daniel Johnston, Dr. Reverend & Me
July 25, 2006 - Make Him Cum Before He Go-Goes, 'Cause He Ain't Planning On Going Solo: A Day With Dr. Reverend, The Sad State of Rock n' Roll And Fun With George Michael's Penis
July 21, 2007 - The Greatest Song Ever!
July 30, 2007 - "Smack a Bitch Up Day" Sadly Cancelled
August 01, 2007 - In a Crossfire Hurricane
August 04, 2007 - He Wants to Be a Macho Man: The Triumph and Tragedy of Victor Willis
August 15, 2007 - "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love"
September 03, 2007 - Amy Winehouse is Fun!
September 27, 2007 - To Know Him Is To Be Unable To Decide If He Murdered Somebody Or Not: Thoughts On The Phil Spector Mistrial
October 15, 2007 - Because He's Slash Kids. Because He's Slash

News

10-23-2007 my current project is fleshing out the Anti-catholic archive. Also updates to the Stones and Music indexes. I collected the old Ask Skippy posts. Oh and I found that post that made me a regular. And I'm tossing things that jump out at me in this list. Now that I have complete access to the past, I won't be updating the current month's archive quite as regularly. The main focus here will be compiling lists of my favorite posts from the past 4 years.

October 2007

10/02/07

• John Bolton Done Lost His Mind!

10/03/2007

• Stephane Dion is Fucked, Liberal Party of Canada ... Fuckeder

10/04/07

• Laugh, I Nearly Died: Ronnie Wood Had Fun

10/05/07

• On Howard Hampton, "Happy Warriors" & the Coming Death of Democracy
• Comparative History Class

10/06/07

• Words and Consequences
• Destroy CRIA Now!

10/07/07

• Satan Laughing Drops His Pants
• It's All About Stealing From De

10/08/07

• The Revenge of Wide-Stance Larry

10/10/07

• Feels Like The First Time
• The Decline and Fall of John Tory

10/11/07

• Ann Coulter: Now With 40% More Anti-Semitism!

10/13/07

• Who Knew? General Ricardo Sanchez and the Catastrophy in Iraq
• Enjoy Every Sandwich: One Stop Shopping For Getting Fired

10/14/07

• Stephen Harper's Best Friend

10/15/07

• Because He's Slash Kids. Because He's Slash

10/16/07

• The Wide Stance Returneth Home

10/17/07

• On Books and Boobies

10/18/07

• The Gayest Thing I've Ever Seen
• I'm Told That He Coulda Been a Contender

10/19/07

• The Bush Doctrine In Theory & Practice: Kurdistan Edition

10/21/2007

• The Unelected Majority and The Absence of Opposition

10/23/2007

• "THEY GOT GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS, DIRTY LITTLE MINDS. THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU EVERY TIME"
• PUTTING THE "YUM!" IN YOM KIPPUR

10/23/2007 8:00:00 AM - "THEY GOT GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS, DIRTY LITTLE MINDS. THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU EVERY TIME"
10/24/2007 9:36:00 PM - WHEN CONSERVATISM IS AS PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW, IT'S ABOUT AS USEFUL
10/25/2007 10:07:00 PM - FRIDAY RANDOM TEN
10/27/2007 1:01:00 PM - AUSTRALIA IS TOUGH ON CRIME: TITTIES & BEER EDITION
10/29/2007 8:55:00 PM - IS THIS MAN THE NEXT CHURCHILL?
10/31/2007 8:22:00 AM - KIM KARDASHIAN WANTS YOU TO SEE HER NAKED

The Pedophile Vote

The posts under the "Why We Read" label will be a collection of the money quotes from selected Skippy posts, Like this one.

"...No one can really blame McGuinty for doing exactly the same thing. After all, the Liberals are the personification of human evil and the exist only to continue winning elections by any means necessary. If there was an Ipsos-Reid poll that conclusively proved that 20% of likely undecided voters were pedophiles, you'd see Dalton McGuinty fucking a five-year-old on television before sundown.

"And no, I didn't just say that Dalton McGuinty is a pedophile. That would be libelous. What I am saying is that the Liberals would embrace pedophelia for political purposes if it were more popular with swing voters. And that isn't libelous because it happens to be true."

...

"Brazen shitheels like Lee Iacocca are out there shilling intellectually empty books like Where Have all the Leaders Gone? when the answer couldn't be more obvious. We killed them. If not literally, then figuratively. There is no significant difference between being a political candidate in a modern democracy and being a panelist on the Jerry Springer Show, and no one with any dignity wants to subject themselves to that."

Read the rest

The post that started it all

Here is the post that originally made me a regular reader of Skippy. And the money quote

Besides, I have drinking and masturbating to do tonight, and if you people think that entertaining you ranks anywhere near my four decade long war with my liver and penis, you're sadly, horribly mistaken.

Right now (10-21-2007) you can run "war with my liver and penis" through google and get nothing other than papers by a urologist on dick injuries in the Civil War. I believe that will change in a week or so.

Classic

This list will just be what strikes me as best digging through the archives.

This post on Jerry Lewis is a classic

LOVE LETTERS TO A BANGALICIOUS BARRISTER money quote: "..Just look at her! Woweee! For all of the erections that I get from Fox News, the most powerful ones occur when Kimberly Guilfoyle comes on. In fact, she was on Hannity and Colmes last Thursday and my left eye is still stuck shut."

August 24, 2003"WHO'S THE HOTTEST OF THEM ALL?"

Sunday, February 01, 2004 2:02 PM
Sometimes Satan Wins or A funny Thing Happenned On The Way to the Hajj

Hilton, Lohan, and Journalists

I've talked about the Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton posts before, but I think that with this Lindsay Lohan post and this one on Hilton, Skippy makes a serious point about the love affair that the mainstream media has had with these two. I had been thinking about doing this Skippy archive for over a year, but these two posts were a big part of what brought me to actually doing it.

For those of you with attention span problems, the Lohan post gets really to the heart of the issue when he starts comparing her fuck-uppery to that of Robert Downey Jr.

If you read the whole thing and read them together, you'll realize that you too should be getting all of your news from Skippystalin.

More on the subject of fuck-uppery and why the public loves it secretly while Skippy loves it openly:

Wednesday, February 21, 2007 2:17 PM
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

The Bush Administration

This is a collection of everything I could find by Skippy on the Bush administration. Update it will grow in the near future.

Thursday, October 30, 2003
Skippy's Protection For Pornography Week Proclamation

Tuesday, July 13, 2004
These Things I Believe

Sunday, September 05, 2004
George W. Bush: Last of the Big Government Liberals

Monday, November 08, 2004 10:24 AM
Ask Skippy: Part Fourteen

Thursday, January 20, 2005
Breaking with History: Bush's Second Inaugural Address

Friday, April 01, 2005
How the Republican Party Found God and Lost Its Soul

Tuesday, June 28, 2005
The Revenge of LBJ

Monday, March 13, 2006
Democrats are Idiots

Tuesday, March 28, 2006
A Love Letter to Skippy's Beautiful Young Friend as Written by the 13th and 21st Secretary of Defense, One Donald Henry Rumsfeld, Esquire.

Saturday, July 15, 2006
Good To See That Worked Out: Further Thoughts On Middle East Democracy

Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Is Karl Rove Finished?

Sunday, September 24, 2006
Memo To The President: Go Fuck Yourself

Tuesday, February 20, 2007
You Know That Your Presidency is Over When....

Wednesday, June 13, 2007
President George W. Bush Stops Even Pretending That He Knows What He's Doing, World Doomed! Pictures at Eleven

Monday, August 13, 2007
"Mr. Rove? He Dead."

Thursday, August 16, 2007
Alberto Gonzales Wants to Kill You Quickly

Sunday, September 02, 2007
George W. Bush Through the Eyes of Karl Rove

Friday, October 05, 2007
Comparative History Class

Paris Hilton

This post on Paris Hilton, and this earlier one is one of the reasons I decided to start getting all my news from Skippystalin. If you read it, you'll start going there first for your news too. Actually, you should read them in order: first, second

Money Quotes (from the first post):

"Anyone can run into a burning building and rescue its inhabitants, but very few of us could repeatedly undermine our own dignity in public on a daily basis. No, very few of us have the Right Stuff for that."

"Despite her given name, Paris would almost certainly be shunned in Europe. Self-degradation by private citizens is discouraged there. After all, this is what the Great Nations of Europe have Royal Families for. "

Money quote from the second:

"If you're unfamiliar with Ms. Hilton's recent legal woes, here's the abridged version. Like most Americans, Paris likes to get really fucked up on various pills, powders and amber liquids and go for a drive. Like most things that are reckless, stupid and wrong, this phenomenon was seemingly invented in California and popularized by its celebrity landed gentry."

That second one is a serious classic. You must read the whole thing!

Cock-hog: The Legend of Larry Craig

Skippy has given the world the best coverage of the Larry Craig story, which I really hope is not over. It may have gotten really good in some interesting ways if you check his last post. At the end of the day, this story really needs it's own category. We are all going to want to share this in front of the fireplace with our grandchildren someday, and I will keep the links together so we can.

Republicans Are Sexy: Larry Craig Gets That Feeling, Needs Sexual Healing
I Am Not Gay and Never Have Been. However, I May Have Been a Nasty, Bad, Naughty Boy on Occassion
You Can't Fire Me Because I Quit. Or Not: The Neverending Story Of Larry Craig
Hello, Larry!
When the Going Gets Wierd...
Larry Craig Update: I Fucking Told You So!
The Revenge of Wide-Stance Larry
The Wide Stance Returneth Home

P.S. Skippy, not his anonymous archivist coined the term "cock-hoggery" from which the term "cock-hog" is derived.

Comp History

"Iraq has a currently has a problem with illegal immigration because it just can't seem to control its own borders. Those immigrants are thought to be involved in blowing things up."

...

"The United States has always had a problem with illegal immigration because it just can't seem to control its own borders. Those imigrants are thought to have been involved in building things like Boston and New York City."

Read the rest

September 2007

9/02/07

• George W. Bush Through the Eyes of Karl Rove

9/03/07

• Amy Winehouse is Fun!!

9/05/07

• You Can't Fire Me Because I Quit. Or Not: The Neverending Story Of Larry Craig
• Hello, Larry

9/06/07

• When the Going Gets Wierd...

9/08/07

• Mr. Chamberlain Returns From the Dead, Becomes Korean and Gets Uppity
• When Children Attack: Pre-teen Wasteland Edition

9/9/07

• Larry Craig Update: I Fucking Told You So!

9/11/07

• The Media is Mean: Love and the Plus-sized Has-been
• Chris Crocker is Scarier Than Osama Bin Laden

9/12/07

• Smile! We're All Gonna Die!

9/13/07

• The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals Said No, No, No

9/15/07

• Strange Bedfellows: The Return of Mr. Greenspan

9/18/07

• Re-enter the OJ

9/19/07

• Surprise! I'm Dead!

9/20/07

• The Devil & Hilary Clinton: Recognizing the Dark Side of Dick Cheney

9/21/07

• Making a Run For The Border: Back-up Plan Edition

9/22/07

• I've Seen the D-Cups and the Damage Done

9/23/07

• James Woods is Everywhere!

9/24/07

• Your Southern Can is Mine: Reflections on the Meg White Fuck Tape

9/25/07

• All Politics is Local
• On a Classiness Scale of 1 to 10, Rudy Giuliani is a 9/11

9/26/07

• Who Let the Dogs Out: The Continuing Misadventures of Michael Vick

9/27/07

• To Know Him Is To Be Unable To Decide If He Murdered Somebody Or Not: Thoughts On the Mistrial of Phil Spector
• A Rare Post Replying to a Commentor and Further Thoughts on Rudy Giuliani, Esquire

9/28/07

• On Budget Surpluses, Debt, Tax Cuts and the Continuing Idiocy of the Toronto Sun

9/29/07

• "...and so began my quest to hire a rapist"

9/30/07

• We're All Stars In the Ahmadinejad Show

August 2007

This is what I originally envisioned when I got the idea for this blog some months ago. It's something I thought about suggesting to Skippy, he could create a post like this one, put a link to it on the sidebar and then he would have the equivalent of an archive. I'm happy to keep doing it here if he doesn't want to.

Oh, and I updated the Mission Statement.

8-1-2007

• In a Crossfire Hurricane
• Give Me Your Poor, Your Tired, Your Huddled Leftist Shitheads, Yearning to Annoy Me

08-03-2007

• It's All About De

08-04-2007

• He Wants To Be A Macho Man: The Triumph and Tragedy of Victor Mills

08-06-2007

• Stranger In a Strange Land: My Weekend as David Coverdale

08-07-2007

• The Bitch is Back, New York City Council Less than Enthusiastic

08-08-2007

• Dear Cranky Old Guy From Last Night's Democratic Debate
• Killer Cans or More Media Horseshit?

08-09-2007

• Finding Heroes Wherever You Look

08-10-2007

• Dickhead Revisited
• Jim Crow for Thee But Not For Me
• Stupidity + Typewriter = Evil: Stu Bykofsky Prays for Another 9/11

08-13-2007

• "Mr. Rove? He Dead"

08-15-2007

• "Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love"
• Anne Hathaway is Damn Near Perfect

08-16-2007

• Alberto Gonzales Wants to Kill You Quickly

08-17-2007

• Stephane Dion is a Delusional Simpleton
• What a Celebrity Interview Should Be

08-18-2007

• Love: With Jelly or Without Jelly?

08-2-2007

• Michael Vick is Fucked
• Me Read Good

08-21-2007

• Obama Does Not Have a Crush on That Woman, Amber Lee Ettinger! Now He Needs to Go Back to Losing a Presidential Nomination
• Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid

08-23-2007

• Bush Saw His Soul, You Get to See the Rest

08-24-2007

• First They Came For The Porn Stars
• Lindsay Lohan Fights the law, Wins!

08-25-2007

• Hilary Does a Very Dumb Thing

08-26-2007

• Going For Broke: The Continuing Adventures of Michael Vick

08-27-2007

• All Things Must Pass
• I Guess Jesus Didn't See Him Coming First

08-28-2007

• Republicans Are Sexy: Larry Craig Gets That Feeling, Needs Sexual Healing - in this one, Skippy brings back the phrase "weapons grade stupid", one of the many things I'm eternally grateful to him for. I started using it in everyday conversation since I first read it on his blog. In a better world, there would be and entry in the Oxford English Dictionary for it.

08-29-2007

• Two Faces of Innocence

8-30-2007

• I Am Not Gay and Never Have Been. However, I May Have Been a Nasty, Bad, Naughty Boy on Occassion

La Lohan

New Update 4-15-2009!!: Skippy's new Lohan odes inspired me to do a search on Enjoy Every Sandwich, and I found 3 posts that I had mist from late 07. If you thought you had read every Lohan post several times, think again!

If you're one of the new readers brought in by the Kinsella affair not yet familiar with the Lohan story, it gets transcendently awesome with the On Role Models post, My favorite is NY Times is wrong. Read those ones first and then go back to the beginning for completeness, then bookmark this list, because, if you have any aesthetic sense at all, you'll want to re-read these at least a couple of times a year.

From oldest to most recent:

Thursday, January 05, 2006	All This, Bulimia and Drug Problems Too!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006	Lindsay Lohan Wants To Be a Filthy Little Whore, skippystalin Graciously Offers His Assistance
Thursday, September 14, 2006	On Role Models and the Importance Thereof
Monday, June 11, 2007	Lindsay Lohan is the Greatest American Ever
Thursday, July 19, 2007	Bikini Rehab Works Wonders! How Lindsay Lohan Can Save Your Life!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007	The New York Times is Wrong and Bernie Brillstein is a Big Meanie
Friday, July 27, 2007	Susan Estrich Won't Shut Up: A Profile In Inhumanity
Thursday, August 02, 2007	Lindsay Lohan Loves Everybody
Friday, August 24, 2007	Lindsay Lohan Fights The Law, Wins!
Thursday, November 15, 2007	OH, THE HARD-NIPPLED HUMANITY: LINDSAY LOHAN FACES JUSTICE
Sunday, December 23, 2007	Lindsay Lohan Has the Right Idea Breathtaking Jugs
Tuesday, February 19, 2008	Perfect Day
Monday, March 24, 2008	Lindsay Lohan and the Painful Power of Truth
Wednesday, April 8, 2009	Making My Heart Grow Fonder
Tuesday, April 14, 2009	I Might Be The One For You!

If anyone knows of any ones I've missed, please drop a comment.

Jackpot!

Skippy found this dump of links in his referrers and obliged us all with a link to the Japanese love doll post that inspired me to set this up in the first place.

Ask Skippy

I would love to see this feature revived. I would ask Skippy's advice about something, but most advice columnists answer questions from people who have problems relating to other people. To have those problems, I would have to get out and meet some non-imaginary people. That project is one I keep putting off.

Skippy's Intro
ASK skippy, VOLUME ONE
ASK skippy, VOLUME TWO
ASK skippy, VOLUME THREE
ASK skippy, VOLUME FOUR
ASK skippy, VOLUME FIVE
ASK skippy, PART FIVE
ASK skippy, PART SIX
ASK skippy, PART SEVEN
ASK skippy, PART EIGHT
ASK skippy: PART NINE
ASK skippy: PART TEN
ASK skippy, PART ELEVEN
ASK skippy, PART TWELVE
ASK skippy: PART THIRTEEN
ASK skippy: PART FOURTEEN
ASK skippy: PART FIFTEEN
ASK skippy: PART SIXTEEN
ASK skippy, PART SEVENTEEN

Canadian Politics

Skippy often analyzes Canadian politics in ways that may be interesting to his more literate readers. Those readers will have to make their own Skippy link dump.

Saturday, January 17, 2004
GEORGE W. BUSH, A MAN AMOUNG MEN

Wednesday, November 16, 2005 2:02 PM
This summary of Quebec politics from November of 05 is a good place to start for those of us who only read about Canadian politics when there's dick jokes involved. Money quote: Unlike in the rest of Canada, leadership races in Quebec are downright fascinating. In English Canada, your likelihood of becoming the leader of a major political party is directly proportionate to your ability not to clash too much with the furniature. In Quebec generally - and the Parti Quebecois specifically - you can be a guy who lives under a bridge and talk about nothing but the war that God and the Devil that is fought entirely in your own skull and be assured a spot on the second ballot.

The anti-catholic archive

Skippy has a boner for the Catholic church that exceeds anything I've seen elsewhere. His hatred of the one true church animates his prose like nothing else. In his own words:

"If any of my readers ever want to hear an incandescent flurry of rhetorical violence, ask a lapsed Catholic his or her views on the Church. Then break out the popcorn and step back, becuse it's showtime! Oh, and don't worry. The screaming should stop in four or five hours. Goading an anti-papist is like giving booze to a recovering alcoholic ... wrong, but too much fun not to do."

I've done this myself and I can vouch for how much fun it is. Bookmark this list when you don't have a lapsed catholic handy and save the fun for a rainy day.

Sunday, August 24, 2003 6:42 PM
HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN

Friday, August 29, 2003 3:28 PM
FURTHER PROOF THAT GOD ISN'T CATHOLIC

Thursday, November 06, 2003 1:33 PM
VATICAN SEX TIPS

Wednesday, November 12, 2003
"YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT THE KIDS WE DIDN'T MOLEST...."

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 8:08 AM
CONSISTENTLY WRONG SINCE 1146

Friday, January 16, 2004
MEMO TO MICHAEL II

Friday, February 06, 2004 9:56 PM
YOUR CATHOLIC CHURCH AT WORK

Monday, February 23, 2004 6:23 PM
OBSCENITY

Sunday, February 29, 2004 6:21 PM
MORE ANTI-PAPIST FUN

Wednesday, March 17, 2004
OTHER SIGNS SOCIETY IS DOOMED If you're wondering about the urinals mentioned at the beginning of this post, the story is here.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004 9:29 AM
IN WHICH I DEFEND JOHN KERRY AS A MEANS OF FURTHER ATTACKING THE CATHLOLIC CHURCH

Saturday, April 10, 2004 9:31 AM
Happy Easter From The Philippines

Saturday, September 04, 2004 2:40 PM
The Pope Should Suck my Balls money quote: "Today, the new ambassador of Canada presented his credentials to the Pope. "His Holiness" took this opportunity to denounce the recognition of same-sex marriage in the provinces of Quebec, Ontario and British Columbia. Were I an officer of the Canadian government, I would tactifully point out that Canada is less than appreciative of their people fucking our children. But we didn't. This is because Canadians are cowards. "

Monday, January 24, 2005 8:52 AM
THEOLOGY OF DEATH

Sunday, April 03, 2005 12:46 PM
"KAROL WOJTYLA : 1920-2005"

Saturday, April 23, 2005 10:22 AM
HABEMUS PAPAM : A TALE OF MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Wednesday, April 06, 2005 8:25 PM
ON POPES, PRESIDENTS & POLITENESS

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 6:44 PM
Anti-papist wednesday

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 10:58 PM
PAPAL NEWSFLASH: GOD GOOD, SEX BAD, MARXISM EVEN WORSE. STRANGE SCENES FROM "FUCK A COMMIE FOR CHRIST" DAY

Sunday, March 05, 2006 8:47 AM
WON'T YOU TAKE ME TO CATHOLIC TOWN?

Sunday, October 08, 2006 7:47 AM
Bill Donohue and the Interesting Logic of the Catholic League

Tuesday, October 16, 2007 7:51 AM
The Wide Stance Returneth Home

A true classic

This post has no link on the front page and doesn't come up first when you google "Long dong" proving that there's no justice in the world:

Long dong of the law

The sidebar

This is the current contents of the sidebar:

Retard Cage Match of the Doomed: The Sad Saga of the 2005/06 Canadian Federal Election - November 26, 2005 - January 24, 2006
Tyson TV: All Mike, All the Time
The Ballad of Captain Geography
The Madness of Mayor Mel
I Told Her I Love Her and She Said "Que?"
The skippystalin Lecture Series, Part One: Lessons of a Shithead Cyrano
The skippystalin Lecture Series, Part Two: The Cunnilingus Chronichles
Uday, We Hardly Knew Ye
California Tumbles Into the Sea
Terminating Government
Arnold Uber Alles
Waiting for Gaiman
In the Realm of the Gaiman Fan
"They're Selling Postcards Of The Hanging / They're Painting The Passports Brown" - Notes From The Ritual Suicide Of The Progressive Conservative Movement In Ontario
My Dinner With Dr. Reverend
skippy's Protection For Pornography Week Proclomation
skippy For President
Some Girls Give Me Knighthoods I Never Asked Them For
Richard Nixon Died For Your (Explative Deleted) Sins
Mr. & Mrs. Bloody Diapers, Bob Dylan & The Unbearable Gayness Of skippy
Give Me A Leonard Cohen Afterworld : Thoughts On Kurt Cobain, Ten Years Gone
George W. Bush And Me
The Passion Of Carl Bernstein
Adventures In Loss Prevention: Mind Your Own Mongloid
"Welcome To Canada. Now Show Us Your Tits!"
These Things I Believe: Gay Marriage And The Future Of American Law
Retail Politics, Wholesale Horseshit
George W. Bush: Last Of The Big Government Liberals
Getting Serious About Islamist Terrorism
Death Smells Sweetest In The Fall: A Timely Obituary For The Candidacy Of John Forbes Kerry, Esquire
The Dumbest Songs Ever: "Do They Know It's Christmas"
A Love Letter to Michelle, Driver of the 9:10PM Rocket Bus From Scarborough Town Center to Don Mills Station
How To Get Ahead In Terorism Without Even Trying
Breaking With History: Bush's Second Inaugaral Address
Some Kind Of Monster
"The Doctor Will See You Now:" Kevin White Has The Greatest Bedside Manner Ever!
The House That Hunter Built
A Quiet, Peaceful Life: A Portrait in 24 Hours
In Praise of Paris Hilton
Just You and Me, Punk Rock Girl
Who's Afraid Of W. Axl Rose?
The Girls of Porn:

Part One: Nikita Denise, Getting Fucked By Porn Stars: Not Always As Much Fun As You'd Think
, Part Two: Silvia Saint, Jenna Jameson Is Braver Than You Are, Part Three: Inari Vachs, Obituary Edition:Anna Malle, Special Report: Mimi Miyagi and the Parliament of Whores

Mass Transit Performance Art
The Adventures of Zanta
Terri Schiavo And Political Hypocracy
Come To Me, My Karly-Curls
skippy and Scalia: The Tale of a Great Friendship
How The Republican Party Found God And Lost Its Soul
Running On The Grave Of Terri Schiavo: Not Just For Republicans Anymore
Deep Throat, Watergate and the Legacy Of Richard Nixon
In Canada, You've Never Really "Done Your Time"
The Revenge of LBJ Updated November 27, 2005
On L. Cohen, Swindled and Bankrupt: A Cautionary Tale
Dinner is Served: Thoughts on Jessica Alba
Your Own Personal Jesus
Using Pakistani Domestic Policy To Flirt
In The Court Of The Maximum Leader
Sex Offender Registries And Stupidity
Most People Are Wrong: Why Angelina Jolie Is A Much Better Wife Than Jennifer Anniston
Death Of A Ladies Man: Martinis, Tranquilizers & Wife Beating - The Decline & Fall of Rene Levesque
New Jersey, Home of the Sexy
On the Smell of Victory...Among Oter Things
Free At Last, Free At Last, Good God Almighty, I Am Free At Last
Okay, But Hardly Lawsuit Worthy: The Litigious Tits Of Jennifer Anniston
Justice For Karly-Curls
Fuck the Children, Fuck those Needle-Dicked, Non-Smoking Cocksuckers, And if You Disagree With Me, Fuck You, Too!
The Greatest Story Ever Told,and Part Two
Speaking Words of Wisdom: Jessica Alba's Ass
Jessica Simpson Discusses Her Tits, Nick Lachey Unable to Stop Weeping
A Nuclear Iran: Let's Start Thinking Like Rational Adults, Shall We?
No Means No, You Bitch!
Confessions of a Tobacco Fiend
Behold the Magic Wand! Fear the Magic Wand!
Me Learn Good, Part 1 Part Two Part Three
Get Your Wings
Hymen Love With You
Scott Stapp Must Die
Wherein the Birthday Boy is Challenged
Won't You Take Me To Catholic Town
Fuck Texas
Love Letters From Rummy
Whereupon Terrorist Threats Are Made Upon Poetry Magazine
Evangeline Lilly Is A Delusional Pain In The Ass And Should Be Beheaded Soon
The Greatest Conspiracy Story Ever Told
She Come 'Round Here, Just About Midnight
Sean Connery Smacks His Bitch Up
"You Should See My Home. It's.....So Nice
Lifestyle Columnists Aren't Very Smart
Susan Sarandon Is a Liberal Loudmouth, Also Has Spectacular Knockers
skippystalin: International Criminal Extradionaire, The Further Adventures of Fast Johnny Fuckhead, I'll Make You Famous: The New Adventures of Crazy Johnny Arkle
Thoughts on I'm Not a Feminist, But...
Notes on the Great Retard Smoking Debate
Valerie Gibson And I Finally Agree: Children Are Evil And Have More Fun Than Either Of Us
"I Don't Know But I've Been Told / Recruiting's Gotten Awfully Bold"
He's Just Not That Into You
Why Elvis is Still the King
Gullible's TravelsWho's the Better Boyfriend? Part One: Zacarias Moussaoui, Part Two: Roy Cohn
Good To See That Worked Out: Thoughts On Middle East Democracy
The Neverending Story Of Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee
The World Isn't Fair: On Hot, Blonde Supermodels and the Trolls Who Eat Them Out in Public , Victoria Silvstedt, The Lord, and the Mysterious Ways Thereof
Requiem for a Heavyweight: On the Late, Great Rob Smith
From the Department of Sexy Secrets Revealed: Regis Philbin Edition
Is Bill Clinton a Fairy or Just an Asshole?
Building A Better Broad
Oh, Grow the Fuck Up, You Fucking Babies
Big Ones, Little Ones ... Everyone Loves Boobies
Titanic Titties Top Terror
From The Department of Behaviour Modification
Dildos Can Be Dangerous
"And I Know No One Can Sing The Blues Like Blind Willie McTell"
When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong
G.G. Allin And The Meaning Of Life
Is Karl Rove Finished?
Leave My Porno Slut Alone, Destroying The Villiage To Save It
Lindsay Lohan And The Importance Of Role Models
Let's Get Kinky!
Dear Mr. President, Go Fuck Yourself
He's Not That Innocent: The Devil & Mikhail Sergeyevich
Full Of Cum, Full Of Dumb: The Ballad of Belinda Stronach
Let's Hear It For The Boy: Mark Foley & The Meaning Of Love
Bill Donohue And The Interesting Logic Of The Catholic League
The Greatest American Hero: Mouhammed Shaukat, Soldier Of Freedom
Remember Her Voice: A Plea To Support The Memory Of Iris Chang, 1968-2004
Robert Redford & The Infamous Mr. Ed
Screeched: Dustin Diamond Is Ready For His Close-Up
In My Father's House
Postcards Of The Hanging: The Softer Side Of Saddam
New Model # 15: The Unquiet Love Life of Marilyn Manson
Kim Kardashian And The Color Of Love
Gavin Newsom Is On Fucking Fire!
Assissted Suicide For The Mentally Ill: Not As Crazy As You'd Think
The Sad Life And Death Of A Centerfold
Getting Obama
Lisa Marie Nowak Wants To Know What Love Is
Stem Cells: Now With New And Improved Tits!
Locking Up The Toybox: The Sad, Strange Saga of Williams v. Attorney General of Alabama
"Hurt Him? It Damn Near Rectum!:" An Asshole Adventure In A Loser's Life
"With A Head Full Of Snow:" Keith Richards & The Meaning Of Father's Day
Any Way You Cut It, I'm Fucked: Sikhism & skippy
The Devil, Daniel Johnston, Dr. Reverend & Me
The People vs. Paris Hilton
Lindsay Lohan is the Greatest American Ever!
Making a Run for the Border: Why Comprehensive Immigration Reform is Unmitigated Bullshit
On Richard Russell, Curiously Remembered
The Decline & Fall of Katie Couric
If I Was Peter North
The Greatest Song Ever
Getting Sober The Right Way
Constitutional Law in Theory and Practice Through the Eyes of an Idiot
Chuck Schumer is a Dick!
Give Me Your Poor, Your Tired, Your Huddled Leftist Shitheads, Yearning to Annoy Me
The Poontang Primary

Mission Statement

The purpose of this site is to save links to all of Skippystalin's posts so that when they go off the main page I can still find them again. One example of the problem. A little while back he did a post on the Japanese love-doll story. That post is off the main page now and not in his sidebar and lost to the world until he decides to put it up there (update: Skippy took pity on us and sent that link). A while back, I started saving links to Skippy posts just to avoid this problem, but really the best place to save them is in another blog. That's what this blog is for. It will be the archive Skippy doesn't have.

This blog has no identity of its own. There is no link to anything but Skippy here, and nothing to indicate who is doing this. I would rather keep my public web presence separate from Skippy, as he himself does.

What you will find here will be mostly lists of my favorite Skippy posts organized around a theme like the worship of Lindsay Lohan or something and then collections for past months. I just started doing this, so August 07 is the only month we have so far. Maybe Skippy will like the idea and either co-opt it and do that himself, or maybe he'll dump a bunch of links in the comments, like all the links for July or something, then later dump all the links for another past month, and I can organize them into a list like the one linked to above. Or mabye, he'll just ignore us and continue doing what he does. Time will tell.

Update: 10/27/2007 As you can see in the comments, Skippy discovered this site pretty quickly and helped out with some links to fill up some of the theme lists. But just last weekend with a bunch of shit I had to do and really didn't want to, I found a way to crawl up skippy's back door and extract all the links to every one of his old posts, which I did. You can find the master list here.

I serve as Skippy's unofficial archivist at his pleasure. If he gives the word, this site vanishes. But I will be keeping the lists and copies of his posts on my own hard drive for my own um.. purposes.

Oh, and here's what Skippy said when he found this archive.

The Stones

Some Girls Give Me Knighthoods That I Never Asked Them For
REASON TO LOVE KEITH #6,348
REASONS TO LOVE KEITH #6,349-65
Another Reason You Have to Love Keef
On Neo-Cons, Sweet Variety
Great Moments In Music History: The Rolling Stones - Tumbling Dice
Still Censored After All These Years
A Bigger Bang
"With a Head Full of Snow:" Keith Richards and the Meaning of Father's Day
In A Crossfire Hurricane
Laugh, I Nearly Died: Ronny Wood Had Fun

July 07

I'm going through Skippy's labels to try and reconstruct past months as best I can. It seems that I'm the only one out there collecting past Skippy links, hard as that may be to believe.

update 10/20/07: I figured out how to get into the feeds, I think this is a complete archive of July. If any of you knows of a gap in this archive, please comment.

On The Freedom Of Scooter Libby & Not Having Bill Clinton To Kick Around Anymore
"For The Purpose Of Recreation..."
On Richard Russell, Curiously Remembered
The Decline & Fall Of Katie Couric
Silly Lawsuits And Dirty Little Secrets
Amy Polumbo & The Most Boring Scandal Ever
If I Was Peter North
Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls
Michael Vick Has An Interesting Hobby
The Greatest Song Ever!
Bikini Rehab Works Wonders! How Lindsay Lohan Can Save Your Life!
Getting Sober The Right Way
I Couldn'T Be More In Love
The New York Times Is Wrong And Bernie Brillstein Is A Big Meanie
Breaking News
"Smack A Bitch Up Day" Sadly Cancelled
The Perfect As The Enemy Of The Good: Understanding Pakistan And The War On Terror
Chuck Schumer Is A Dick!
Constitutional Law In Theory And Practice Through The Eyes Of An Idiot
Susan Estrich Won'T Shut Up: A Profile In Inhumanity
The Curious Non-Campaign Of Fred Dalton Thompson
The Most Beautiful Place To Die