For Those About to Rock!

I was recently asked to explain why I get all of my news from Skippystalin. The answer didn't come right away, but later, it did. Skippy loves stupidity the way Michelangelo loved man-ass. And Skippy's muse inspires similarly historic works of art although in prose, rather than sculpture and paint. The following list is my work-in-progress snapshot of the most essential exhibits of evidence in favor of getting all of your news from Skippystalin:

The People Vs. Paris Hilton
Lindsay Lohan is the Greatest American Ever
Some Kind of Monster
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
A Quiet Peaceful Life: a Portrait in 24 Hours
Your Own Personal Jesus
The New York Times is Wrong and Bernie Brillstein is a Big Meanie
Just You and Me Punk Rock Girl
The list is a work in progress and could use input from others who know where to get all their news and where not to.

I was thinking that this thing had become totally irrelevant with the advent of the new Skippystalin.com url. But, the thing is, there will still be people who are new to Skippy. As I write this, we're gearing up for a presidential election and that has a tendency to dominate the coverage over at Enjoy Every Sandwich. So these links are meant to introduce the new reader.

Lately, when I go out, I'm reminded again of the need for an intro page to this archive. I've had a lot of people ask me "where did you get that phrase 'violently retarded'?" or something to that effect. I got it here, and then I tell those people where they need to go, but I haven't really put the best link starter package together yet. The links above are that package. They're also on the sidebar at the old Enjoy Every Sandwich site.

Quotable Skippy

"my Sainted Mother never stopped reminding that it's the pussy you don't fuck that gets you in trouble."

From This classic

A day that will live in the opposite of infamy

I'm sure all of you have heard the news already, but here it is: Skippy has gotten his own URL!!

Zombie is busy importing the archives and this little corner of the internets will soon be completely irrelevant.

But I will leave it here just to remind the young people of what it was like back in the pre- skippystalin.com days. It's a period of history that will be hard to explain to the younger generation, but we'll have to try or else they'll never understand just how hard it was for us.

Oh Happy Day!

Ask Skippy is back!!

Now normally, when an argument just goes back and forth, it makes everyone involved look like retards. But I actually enjoyed reading this one.

So not only did he bring back the original classic Ask Skippy feature, he did it with a question from me, and provoked a 75 entry comment brawl with Mook. I think this proves that the world is getting better.

Oh and no, I didn't make it all the way to the bottom of that comment brawl, only to somewhere in the middle. I'm the kind of guy who makes a blog devoted to rummaging another blogger's archives, but I'm not that deranged.

My Lists

Back before I found a way to build links to Skippy's whole then-missing archive, I was compiling lists of old posts in categories that I thought were interesting. For those who are new readers of my #1 favorite news source, I think that the Sidebar at Enjoy Every Sandwich is the best place to get a good general overview of what's going on there. The sidebar here is a good second place, and these lists might be a good third. The anti-Catholicism list, and the Lindsay Lohan list are probably my favorites. But I'm in the middle of reading through the whole archive, so my #1 spot may change when I finish that.

One important thing about really good Scotch is you don't swill the good stuff. You sip your Johnny Walker Black until you're good and buzzed, then maybe switch to the Red, unless you have a good job, and then Black is cheap enough to just keep sipping until you are really good and high. Jameson, being a bit cheaper and simpler is another good one to just sip away at. That's why it displaced Johnny Walker years ago as my number one favorite thing ever put in a bottle by the hand of man. But something like 18 year old Macallan, you would be wasting that if you drank it when you're already drunk. It's definitely a bad idea to drink more than a little of that at a time. If you must drink more after that, switch to something in a big plastic bottle or something. The same rule applies to Skippy's archive. Sometimes, you'll be having a good time and just want to keep going. You miss good details if you go too fast. Everybody's reading pace is different, but it's a good idea to be aware of the point of diminishing returns and just bookmark where you were, and keep reading and maybe drink some more. Then you can come back to where you left off before you got really high and see how many details you missed.

So here are the lists, there may be more later.

Lindsay Lohan
The Stones
The hatefuck with the one true church
Ask skippy
Cock Hog: The Legend of Larry Craig
Romance

The past

Reading old Skippystalin posts is something I just can't reccomend enough. All those years that I went without an Enjoy Every Sandwich archive seem so far away now. It's like a lost era, like that "time of chaos" narrative at the beginning of The Road Warrior. One of the interesting things you learn is which news outlets keep their 3 year old links good valid and which ones don't. The Aftenposten link in that article brought up the original article while the Houston times, chronicle, or whatever the fuck brought up nothing. The point is, you learn a lot when you read old Skippystalin posts.

You also avoid that situation where your own happiness is tied to the news cycle. I'm sure everybody out there knows that feeling of dread and dismay that grips you when you go a whole month without any update from Skippy on the adventures of Lindsay or an ode to one of his new loves. You know how you wake up thinking "Fuck!! It's been weeks since Skippy fell in love and blogged it!". And then you spend the next several days frantically guzzling whiskey to dull the pins and needles anticipation of that glorious day when the dry spell is finally over. I'm sure I'm not the only one doing that, although I am mildly disturbed by the fact that I seem to be the only one who has a blog devoted to it. That just goes to show how fucked society is. These natural human feelings are devalued and mocked and people are embarrassed to share them with the rest of the world, like it's something to be ashamed of.

So dig through these archives and pray to the Spaghetti Monster or whatever else for the day when Skippy finally gets a column in an alt-weekly somewhere, because that day will surely lead to an eventual book deal and the end of this time of chaos and despair that we must all slog through.

Another neglected classic

Skippy has a label "Politics is my life", but I don't see the original post with that title anywhere in his sidebar, so I've put it up on this sidebar. For those of you joining us late, the sidebar here is intended to be my list of classic works that aren't linked anywhere on Skippy's own sidebar. If you see one that actually is on Skippy's sidebar, please let me know. I'm also interested in hearing any opinions that might be out there as to other posts that should be on a "lost classics" list.