They're back!!

Okay, the archives are back. All the links you see here will work as they did before. And I highly recommend you peruse them.

Update: some of us have the attention span of a gnat, and some of us are high, so I figured I should fill people in on where to start digging in the archives even though these links are also above and to the right of this post.

Anyone who has heard me in a bar raving about how you don't understand the potential of the written word to inform, charm, and engorge until you've read Skippystalin and then proceeded to whip out your blackberry or iPhone and google this page, should start here. These are the posts that will get you hooked on Skippy if you're not a total retard.

If you are fully human, you will have decided to go to the beginning of the archives and read through to the present at a leisurly pace whenever you run out of current blogs to read. At this point, the thing to do is go here where I've put all the links in order to all of Skippy's archives. I recommend a few posts a day until you get through to the present. Bookmark the page where you leave off, then go back next time.

Where do we go from here?

Update: The old Enjoy Every Sandwich site has been restored to its rightful place on the throne of the intertubes since this was written.

All the legions of readers who have come to depend on this site for up-to-date Skippystalin commentary have been severely disappointed. So much so, that I haven't heard from any of them yet, but it's only a matter of time before all those emails come in.

Skippy went off the air deleting all the archives that all the links on this page point to making this officially the most useless blog on all of the internets. I knew that if I keep at this blogging thing, eventually I would achieve some distinction.

Hopefully, someday Skippy's archives will resurface in some kind of cache somewhere so I can fix all these links, but until then, who knows.

I have been so busy, that I haven't had time to comment on the demise of the greatest weblog ever, it was only today that I found Skippy's new site. Put that in your google readers today!

"In age when American reading scores are at an all time low, I would suggested that Debra Lafave should be named the Patron Saint of Education. If someone who looked like Lafave blew me every time I read every time I read a fucking Dr. Suess book, I'd have written Moby Dick seven times over by now. Instead, you're reading this. So you tell me who the victim of a blowjob-free education is."

From here

I'll never forget where i was

originally posted when I heard about the tragically wrong results of the 2008 Canadian Blog Awards

It's a sad day for all of us. Likely by now, You've heard the news about the Canadian blog awards. If you're still reading this, and wondering about the best way to drown your sorrows, I recommend Irish Whiskey, but another thing that helps is to revel in the fact that we Skippy supporters were right and Canadian voters were wrong. There are tons of examples of this out there already, but I've been meaning to compile this list for some time now.

Skippy has covered the issue of young boys getting blown by their teachers and just how fucking hot their teachers are longer than any other blogger. Whenever somebody says that the impending death of daily newspapers is a bad thing I tell them to show me one of those fucking butt-rags that hired Skippy to do a series on hot teachers blowing their students. Inevitably, they are at a loss for how to answer that. And I say "Hah!" take your daily newspapers and stick them up your ass. Skippy had to write all this for free. That's the top of the list of why daily newspapers deserve to die. That list continues for a while too.

But that's enough from me the archivist, the stories span the whole history of Enjoy Every Sandwich nearly to the beginning and they rule. Many of them are long. Don't try to take them all in at one sitting unless you have a really boring job where you can get away with reading pornographic blogs.

Saturday, June 12, 2004
Hot For Teacher

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Hot For Teacher .... Again

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
THE DEPRAVITY OF SOCIALISM, BEER STORE GIRL & THOUGHTS ON PERFECT POLYGAMY

Wednesday, November 23, 2005
SHE FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON

Saturday, April 29, 2006
Kids These Days Suck!

Thursday, May 04, 2006
Breaking News From the Filthy Little Slut Desk

Sunday, August 06, 2006
"But Then, My Homework Was Never Quite Like This

This one, from earlier, really isn't part of the hot teacher theme, but it's a classic, so I'm putting it in here anyway:

Thursday, January 20, 2005
The Doctor Will See You Now: Kevin White Has The Greatest Bedside Manner Ever!

Quotable Skippy

"I had forgotten the benefits of unemployment. Benefits like drinking all the time. That's nice. Particularly when combined with my continuing adventures in pharmacology. Did you know that the police take exception to an arrest made by someone who stinks of beer, cheap wine and Jack Daniels who is sailing on a dreamy painkiller high? I wouldn't have believed it myself, but they do. And that says nothing of defence lawyers. Oy.

"Let's just thank God that I never had to sit in open court and answer questions like, "Mr. stalin - if that IS your real name - isn't true that when you took my client into custody, you were drooling, pant less and covered in your own urine?" The fact that I would be under oath and compelled to admit that it was more likely someone else's urine would be more embarrassing than you'll ever know."

From here

Money Quote of the Day

[responding to the State of the Union 04 when W complained of "activist" judges]

Yeah, and those robe wearing motherfuckers are making a real pain in the ass to execute retarded teenagers, too!

http://enjoyeverysandwich.blogspot.com/2004/01/speechifying-part-three-we-are-living.html

Other parts

http://enjoyeverysandwich.blogspot.com/2004/01/speechifying-part-two-from-beginning.html

http://enjoyeverysandwich.blogspot.com/2004/01/speechifying-okay-so-im-almost-week.html

For Those About to Rock!

I was recently asked to explain why I get all of my news from Skippystalin. The answer didn't come right away, but later, it did. Skippy loves stupidity the way Michelangelo loved man-ass. And Skippy's muse inspires similarly historic works of art although in prose, rather than sculpture and paint. The following list is my work-in-progress snapshot of the most essential exhibits of evidence in favor of getting all of your news from Skippystalin:

The People Vs. Paris Hilton
Lindsay Lohan is the Greatest American Ever
Some Kind of Monster
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
A Quiet Peaceful Life: a Portrait in 24 Hours
Your Own Personal Jesus
The New York Times is Wrong and Bernie Brillstein is a Big Meanie
Just You and Me Punk Rock Girl
The list is a work in progress and could use input from others who know where to get all their news and where not to.

I was thinking that this thing had become totally irrelevant with the advent of the new Skippystalin.com url. But, the thing is, there will still be people who are new to Skippy. As I write this, we're gearing up for a presidential election and that has a tendency to dominate the coverage over at Enjoy Every Sandwich. So these links are meant to introduce the new reader.

Lately, when I go out, I'm reminded again of the need for an intro page to this archive. I've had a lot of people ask me "where did you get that phrase 'violently retarded'?" or something to that effect. I got it here, and then I tell those people where they need to go, but I haven't really put the best link starter package together yet. The links above are that package. They're also on the sidebar at the old Enjoy Every Sandwich site.